Mental Health Trauma & Stressor-Related Disorders What to Know About Anxious Attachment and Tips to Cope Understanding Your Attachment Style in Relationships By Heather Jones Heather Jones Facebook Twitter Heather M. Jones is a freelance writer with a focus on health, parenting, disability, and feminism. Learn about our editorial process Published on November 29, 2021 Medically reviewed Verywell Health articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and healthcare professionals. These medical reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Steven Gans, MD Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD Steven Gans, MD, is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Expert Board Print Table of Contents View All Table of Contents What's Your Attachment Style? Characteristics Coping In Non-Romantic Relationships Frequently Asked Questions Anxious attachment is one of four attachment styles that develop in childhood and continue into adulthood. Attachment styles are ways of relating and interacting with people in relationships. These attachment styles can be secure (a person feels confident in relationships) or insecure (a person has fear and uncertainty in relationships). Also known as ambivalent attachment or anxious-preoccupied attachment, anxious attachment can result from an inconsistent relationship with a parent or caregiver. Adults who experience anxious attachment may come off as needy or clingy in their relationships and lack healthy self-esteem. Verywell / Ellen Lindner Through approaches such as therapy, it's possible to change attachment styles or learn to have healthy relationships despite attachment anxiety. This article will explain the characteristics of anxious attachment, how to recognize signs of anxious attachment in yourself and others, and strategies for coping. What's Your Attachment Style? There are four main attachment styles. The following are some of the ways they may manifest in relationships: Secure attachment: Able to set appropriate boundaries; has trust and feels secure in close relationships; thrives in relationships but does well on their own as wellAnxious attachment: Tends to come off as anxious, clingy, and uncertain, and lacks self-esteem; wants to be in relationships but worries that other people don't enjoy being with themAvoidant-dismissive attachment: Avoids closeness and relationships, seeking independence instead; doesn't want to rely on others or have others rely on themDisorganized attachment: Fearful; feel they don't deserve love How Closely Linked Are Childhood and Adult Attachment Styles? While it's generally accepted that early attachment experiences influence attachment style in adult romantic relationships, the degree to which they are related is less clear-cut. Studies vary in their findings on the source and degree of overlap between the two. Characteristics of Anxious Attachment It's believed that anxious attachment in childhood is a result of inconsistent caregiving. More specifically, the child's needs are met unpredictably. A parent or primary caregiver may respond immediately and attentively to a child sometimes but not at other times. This inconsistency can be a result of factors such as parental substance use, depression, stress, anxiety, and fatigue. Children raised without consistency can view attention as valuable but unreliable. This prompts anxiety and can cause a child to perform attention-seeking behaviors, both positive and negative. Adults who experience anxious attachment often need constant reassurance in relationships, which can come off as being needy or clingy. One study showed that anxious attachment can affect trust in a relationship. Further, those who experience anxious attachment are more likely to become jealous, snoop through a partner’s belongings, and even become psychologically abusive when they feel distrust. What Do I Do If My Child Has Separation Anxiety? Recognizing the Signs in Yourself Some indications that you might be experiencing anxious attachment include: Worrying a lot about being rejected or being abandoned by your partnerFrequently trying to please and gain approval from your partnerFearing infidelity and abandonmentWanting closeness and intimacy in a relationship, but worrying if you can trust or rely on your partnerOverly fixating on the relationship and your partner to the point it consumes much of your lifeConstantly needing attention and reassuranceHaving difficulty setting and respecting boundariesFeeling threatened, panicked, angry, jealous, or worried your partner no longer wants you when you spend time apart or don't hear from them for what most would consider a reasonable amount of time; may use manipulation to get your partner to stay close to youTying self-worth in with relationshipsOverreacting to things you see as a threat to the relationship Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD: Symptoms, Traits, Causes, Treatment Recognizing the Signs in Someone Else A partner who experiences anxious attachment may exhibit similar behaviors like those listed above, but you can't know for sure how they are feeling unless they tell you. Signs of Anxious Attachment in a Partner Regularly seeks your attention, approval, and reassuranceWants to be around you and in touch with you as much as possibleWorries you'll cheat on them or leave themFeels threatened, jealous, or angry and overreacts when they feel something is threatening the relationship What Is an Anxiety Disorder? Strategies for Coping While anxious attachment can be challenging in a relationship, having a healthy relationship is possible. There are ways to address and get beyond attachment challenges in your relationship, including: Short Term Research: Learn about attachment styles, which ones best apply to you and, if applicable, your partner.Keep a journal: Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This is a helpful exercise for getting out your emotions, and it may help you recognize some patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. It may be worthwhile bring your journal to therapy sessions where you can unpack its contents with your mental health professional.Choose a partner who has a secure attachment: The chances of success in a relationship for someone who experiences anxious attachment are higher if they're paired with someone living with a secure attachment style. Practice mindfulness: Regularly engaging in mindfulness exercises can help you learn to manage your emotions and your anxiety. What Is Meditation? Long Term Group therapy: Processing anxious attachment in a professionally-guided group setting can help. Couples therapy: Seeing a relationships specialist can give you a chance to participate in a discussion with your partner helmed by a skilled moderator. They can help you process your thoughts and feelings at the moment, and give you tools to communicate with each other outside of the sessions. Individual therapy: If you know or suspect you have an anxious attachment, you don't need to be in a relationship to address it. Working on yourself is a great way to recognize your attachment patterns, examine your feelings about yourself, and learn to approach relationships with other people in a healthy way. Therapies to Consider Interpersonal therapy (IPT): Learn how to improve interpersonal relationships and social interactions. A 2017 study found that variations of IPT were beneficial for adolescent participants experien anxious attachment. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Focus on recognizing and changing negative thought patterns. Psychodynamic psychotherapy: This focuses on unconscious emotional dynamics and can examine how attachment style may present in the therapy relationship itself. Strategies for Kids Ways to help a child experiencing anxious attachment include: Set consistent boundaries: Appropriate limits and boundaries, reinforced with consistency, can help children feel secure. Let them know what is expected of them, and what they can expect (and rely on) from you.Remain calm while managing and reinforcing rules and expectations: Follow through on consequences that have been laid out for unacceptable behavior, but stay calm while you do so. Show them their feelings can be managed.Reconnect after a conflict: If you have disciplined them, reconnect afterward. It's important that they know your empathy is consistent, no matter what. If you have made a mistake or gotten frustrated with them, own up to it right away and make amends. This helps show them they don't need to be perfect.Be predictable: Try to stick to a regular routine, even during vacations. This can give a sense of familiarity and security. How Can I Help My Anxiously Attached Partner? If your partner experiences anxious attachment, some ways to help them include:Setting clear boundaries and expectations (and reinforcing them)Following through on promises and commitmentsEncouraging them to go to therapy, or go togetherShowing your partner you appreciate them. A 2019 study showed that perceiving gratitude from a romantic partner reduced attachment anxiety. Anxious Attachment in Non-Romantic Relationships While discussions about anxious attachment in adults usually focus on romantic partnership, anxious attachment can affect any type of relationship. For instance, one small study conducted on a group of women showed that participants living with anxious attachment reported less positivity and more difficulties in friendships than participants living with secure attachment styles. What Causes Anxiety? Summary Anxious attachment develops in childhood and continues into adulthood. It's believed that anxious attachment in childhood may be a result of inconsistent caregiving. More specifically, the child's needs are met unpredictably. Although living with an anxious attachment may present challenges, you can still have healthy relationships with friends and partners. Coping techniques include journaling, mindfulness, and therapy, to name a few. A Word From Verywell It can be overwhelming navigating the social world when you're living with an anxious attachment style, but people who experience anxious attachment can have healthy relationships. If you're having difficulties in your relationships due to anxious attachment, seek care from a healthcare professional with experience in attachment disorders. With the right tools and effort, anxious attachment can be managed or overcome. Frequently Asked Questions What are anxious attachment triggers? Anxious attachment may result from inconsistent caregiving in childhood. The child's needs are met inconsistently, with a primary caregiver responding attentively occasionally. How do people with anxious attachment feel? People with an anxious attachment style can feel insecure in their relationships and worry their partner won't want them. This can cause them to become preoccupied with the relationship and come off as clingy.People who experience anxious attachment tend to seek constant reassurance and can feel distressed when away from or out of touch with their partners. What helps with anxious preoccupied attachment? Therapy is the best way to help gain the tools to manage anxious attachment. It can be done individually, as a couple, or in a group. Can people with anxious attachment style have healthy relationships? Yes. People who have anxious attachment often have healthier relationships with partners who are securely attached. Therapy—individually or as a couple—can also go a long way to fostering a healthy relationship. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign up for our Health Tip of the Day newsletter, and receive daily tips that will help you live your healthiest life. Sign Up You're in! Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. There was an error. Please try again. What are your concerns? Other Inaccurate Hard to Understand Submit 10 Sources Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. HelpGuide. How attachment styles affect adult relationships. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. A brief overview of adult attachment theory and research. Rees C. Childhood attachment. Br J Gen Pract. 2007;57(544):920-922. doi: 10.3399/096016407782317955 Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, et al. The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse. 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