How to Respond to Men's Excuses for Not Wanting to Wear a Condom

Women holding condom in her hand
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I’ve heard all types of reasons why men don’t want to wear condoms. But, by not using them, your safety is at risk. Using condoms every time you have sex offers the best protection from catching an STD, including HIV. It is even suggested that you use a condom even if you're on the Pill (or other prescription method or hormonal contraceptive). If a man says that he is “too large” to fit into a condom, open one up, put your hands together (like you’re clapping), roll the condom over your hands, then spread them apart about 12 inches wide – ask him if he is bigger than that!

Here are some excuses men give and responses you can use:

  • If he says: "It ruins the mood."
    • How to respond: "Having unsafe sex puts me out of the mood. For good!"
  • If his excuse is: "A condom spoils my enjoyment of sex.”
    • How to respond: “I can't enjoy sex unless we’re protected.”
  • If he says: "If you really love me, you should trust me."
    • How to respond: “It is because I love you that I want to be sure we’re both protected.”
  • If he complains: "I can’t feel anything when I’m wearing a condom.”
    • How to respond: “Many condoms have extra features to actually make sex better, and that you will both be better able to relax knowing you are safeguarding yourselves against STDs and unintended pregnancy. Plus, men can actually experience more pleasure with certain condoms (like a ribbed condom) than without one at all.”
  • If he says: "Condoms don’t really work; most of them get busted."
    • How to respond: "If we use it the right way, condoms are 98% effective. Sometimes they break if you aren't wearing the right size condom. Hey, let's figure out your condom size and pick the perfect one for you!"
  • If his excuse is: "Wearing a condom is uncomfortable."
  • SKYN – Non-Latex Condoms
  • Trojan Double Ecstasy Condoms
  • KYNG Extra Large Condoms
  • LifeStyles Turbo Condoms
  • Kimono MicroThin Condoms with Aqua Lube
  • Or, if you are feeling a bit feisty, you could come back with, "Yes, and so is being pregnant for 9 months and then having to give birth."
  • If he says: "Don’t tell me that you actually think you’ll catch something from me."
    • How to respond: "I’m sure I won’t but it's better to be safe than sorry."
  • If his objection is: “But you’re on the pill.”
    • How to respond: "The pill won’t protect us from STD's that we may not even know we have – a condom will give us that protection. Plus, this way, we have double protection!”
  • If he insists: “But we’ve had sex without a condom before.”
    • How to respond: “That that was a bad decision, and I don’t want to make it again. I was worried all month that I could be pregnant. We were lucky, and I am not chancing it again.”
  • If his excuse is: "I don't know how to use a condom the right way."
    • How to respond: "I’ll do it for you."
    • You can also try using Sensis Condoms. These condoms have QuikStrips -- special tabs that make it so every Sensis condom goes on fast, easy and like it should. To make things more sensual, try putting these condoms on your partner. Even in the dark, there is no fumbling as it is easy to tell which is the proper way to unroll the condom.
    • To convince him even further (and add a little excitement), use your mouth to put the condom on! Just make sure to practice doing this first.
  • You could also always teach him the correct way to use a condom—make it a "fun" learning experience.
  • Come prepared... bring your own condoms! You can easily purchase them in the family planning aisle at your local grocery store or convenience/drug store or online (if you wish to be discreet).


  • Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to use a condom because you think he won’t trust you. If this is so, then it may mean that you don’t trust him enough to ask him to use a condom.
  • To be honest with you, talking about birth control may be difficult, but it is important (if you are in a serious relationship) to make these decisions together. If you are feeling that you cannot talk to your partner about contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, and sexual histories, then you should rethink if you are ready for a sexual relationship with this person.
  • Remember, there are many reasons to use a condom. Learn all of the ways a condom can protect both of you, so you can remind him (and yourself) of why you should use a condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Don’t let your partner’s excuses stop you from protecting yourselves.
  • Read these ways of how you can respond to your partner. If it will make you feel more prepared, rehearse them; then, you can be ready to challenge him if he gives you an excuse for not wanting to wear a condom.
  • Remind yourself that asking someone to use a condom shows that you have respect for yourself and for them, so refuse to have sex with someone who does not respect you or themselves enough to use protection.

What You Need

  • Confidence
  • Determination
  • Self-respect
  • Maybe your own pack of condoms
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