What Should I Know If My Partner Has HPV?

Dating Someone With HPV

Young couple sitting on a couch

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It can be very scary to learn that you are dating someone with HPV. You may hear their diagnosis and worry about the possibility they may have cancer. You may worry about being infected with HPV or that cancer could affect you. However, it's important to remember that HPV is extremely common. Most people with the virus never go on to develop cancer. 

In fact, many never have symptoms at all. The vast majority of HPV infections go away on their own, and people never notice they have them. In addition, when people do develop HPV-related cancers, the cancers are usually extremely treatable. When caught early, treatment may simply involve removal of affected tissue. There is also data that oral cancers associated with HPV infection are more susceptible to radiation than similar tumors with other causes.

Therefore, if you've just learned that you are dating someone with HPV, don't panic. It may not change your life much at all. 

Here are answers to some questions people have when they learn they are dating someone with HPV.

Do I Have HPV, Too?

If you're young and sexually active, and your sexual partner has just called to tell you that they've been diagnosed with HPV, it can be hard to know what to do. First and foremost, it's important to understand the likelihood of this scenario. A 2017 study conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics found the following rates of HPV prevalence among U.S. adults aged 18–69.


When it comes to testing, unlike most other STDs, there's no convenient way for men to get screened for HPV. There's no commercial test used to detect the genital virus in men. Testing for oral HPV is available, but it isn't widely recommended. Just as most genital HPV infections will never cause warts or cancer, neither will most oral infections. Therefore, many doctors see testing as unnecessary.

For women, testing is only slightly easier. There is a cervical HPV test. However, it isn't generally used for women in their 20s. It's mostly used if they've had an abnormal Pap smear. In part, that's because most HPV infections will never cause problems. It's also because HPV is ubiquitous in young women who haven't been vaccinated.

Prior to widespread use of the HPV vaccines, the CDC estimated that at least half of all sexually active adults would be infected at some point in their lives. Historically that estimate has been as high as 80 percent. A 2008 study found that 18 percent of girls had already been infected with HPV by the time they turned 19.

Should I Break Up With My Partner?

As I mentioned above, most sexually active people will eventually be infected with HPV. Most of them will also never know they have it. It will never cause visible symptoms, such as genital warts. It won't lead to cancer. HPV infection can be serious, but it usually isn't.

The fact that you know you are dating someone with HPV could be seen as a good thing. Many people's partners are infected, and they don't have a clue. They can't have open and honest discussions about sexual risk. They don't know that it's possible to reduce the risk of transmission during oral sex.

Learning that your partner has HPV isn't a reason to break up with them. It may inspire you to be better about practicing safe sex, That said, I think that most people should work from the assumption that both they and their partner have HPV. It's true a good percentage of the time, even if there's often no way to find out.

How Can I Reduce My Risk of Getting HPV?

You can't completely protect yourself against HPV infection. However, there are several ways you can reduce your risk. One of the best ways is to consider being vaccinated, if you haven't been already. Ideally, you would have been vaccinated before you started having sex. That's why children are supposed to start the vaccination series at age 11 or 12. Still, it is possible to get vaccinated through your mid-20s. That said, the vaccine may not be of much help if you're reading this. Because you know you are dating someone with HPV, there's a high probability you've already been exposed. Getting vaccinated won't hurt. It just may not offer as much protection.

The other way to reduce your HPV risk is to consistently practice safer sex. That's something you should do for both oral sex and intercourse. HPV spreads through skin to skin contact, so barriers aren't 100 percent protective, but...

These cancers are not hugely common, but they are on the rise. Thus, it's worth taking reasonable steps to reduce your risk. Ending a relationship with someone because they have HPV is unnecessary. Using barriers is just a sensible plan. 

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